Love Day 2024 - One Year Post-surgery

❤️It's Love Day 2024! The anniversary of my 1st major surgery.

One year ago, I made the decision to have a hysterectomy to permanently remove multiple enlarged fibroids in my uterus. After considering various options to improve my health, I decided the hysterectomy was the best option for me. For over a decade I experienced severe menstrual symptoms due to the presence of these growths. Monthly, for 2-3 weeks, I would tolerate the discomfort that accompanied anemia: excessive loss of blood, iron and energy for my body. This gradually altered the way I engaged in life.

From 2012-2023 my lifestyle shifted drastically. With fatigue so debilitating, I found it difficult to perform more than my basic daily tasks. For me, these daily activities included being a wife, mother of four, caregiver to my mother, driver for my grandmother and healthcare manager to both. Professionally, I fulfilled daily duties as a trainer, group facilitator and social worker. In these years, although I stopped working full-time as a social worker, I held roles of den leader, cub master, room mom, room mom coordinator, team mom, homeschool teacher, business owner, etc. Giving to others and neglecting myself became engrained in my being as “just what working moms do.”

Being “mother of four” during this time involved transporting my children across the county to and from schools, playgroups, dance, gymnastics, cheerleading, musical theatre, karate, band, soccer, basketball, football and school clubs. I spent extensive time sitting in my car driving, sitting in wait rooms watching their amazing skill acquisition, walking at a slower pace so little, (aging) or dollying feet could keep up. Having a more sedentary lifestyle was new for me and the changes to (and in) my body felt sudden & rapid.

My body type throughout childhood, adolescence and early adulthood…I would describe as average. Following the major changes that puberty brings, the first major change to my physique occurred when I was 18 and pregnant. After my first son’s birth, my teenage body found its way back to its pre-pregnancy state within a month or so.

Second pregnancies are not always like the first. I was 26 and diagnosed with preeclampsia while pregnant with my 2nd son. I spent 9/11/2001, in a hospital bed being induced into labor after being admitted the day before. A weight elevation from 124 - 175 pounds and dangerously high blood pressure levels landed me in the hospital where I was working at the time. Even with the stress of the events surrounding my son’s birth in September 2001, my body responded with a degree of ease to the daily group yoga and Pilates classes I participated in.

Third time was a charm! None of my deliveries had been particularly “hard.” Being born in fall of 2004, the one week between two major Florida hurricanes, my 3rd son was delivered 30 minutes after our arrival to the hospital. I gained less weight during this pregnancy and again, group fitness classes, kickboxing, Pilates and step aerobics led to me reaching my pre-pregnancy weight in 2-3 months. 

My final pregnancy, in 2008 (the only one I received pain medication for…thanks to one of my client’s generous -and grateful- moms being my nurse ❤️) definitely created a newer bodily version of myself. Still, by the time my daughter was 3 years old, my participating in Zumba, step, pound fitness and yoga brought me almost 5 pounds under my pre-second pregnancy weight. With each of the four pregnancies my body “bounced back” naturally as I engaged in activities I enjoyed. When I paid attention, watching my body expand during those years outside of pregnancy took adjusting. Periodically, I would begin a workout routine. A week or so later, I would be so tired I couldn’t arise early enough to fit exercise into my mornings and too depleted in the evenings to focus on fitness, then.

Upon inquiring, my doctor shared with me in 2022, his strong concerns about weight loss medications which led to me concluding they would not be an effective treatment for my weight gain. This was initially discouraging because others I knew were having success with medication. I trusted my doctor enough to believe him when he assured me that with time and treatment of my anemia, I could increase my energy and activity levels.

Addressing my health issues:

Physical: In order to be eligible for the surgery I had ultrasounds, sonograms, an MRI, colonoscopy and completed 6 weeks of hours-long IV iron infusions to increase my blood iron supply.

Mental: Why did I wait so long? 

The first thing I want to share is that I did seek help in addressing my heavy periods and low-energy. After being diagnosed with fibroids, I asked about what to do about them. I was told they were small and asked whether I was feeling any physical pain. I did not have physical pain or cramping as others sometimes do. The recommendation I was given, was to “not worry about them” unless they begin to cause pain. They never caused pain.

I wish I asked more questions. I wish I were told that the could grow. I wish I did further research. I wish I paid closer attention to my body.

Not knowing, or ignoring, my body was a theme in my young to mid-adulthood years. The CoVid pandemic in 2020 provide the space for me to come to know myself in ways that sparked a focus on my health and wellbeing. 

The final thing I want to share is that there were times when I did not care enough about caring for myself. 

My sharing this has already felt long, so I will try to summarize the self-love transformation I underwent from 2020-2023.

Reflections

1.       I care tremendously for others; working hard to ensure they have everything they need when they want and need it.

How much do I care about me? 

2. I don’t always feel good in my body. 

Why aren’t I doing the things that I know will be good for my skin, bones, muscles, organs, nervous system?

3. As my children become more independent, their need for me is changing.

In what ways can I intentionally step into new roles in life?

4. I feel emotions deeply and powerfully.

Why do I attempt to disconnect from innate aspects of myself?

Why do I criticize myself for my unique ways of sensing the world around me?

How might I honor ALL of my temperamental traits? 

5. Grief and regret have felt as if they’re suffocating me.

What can I do to change my relationship with loss?

How can I stress less about the things I cannot change?

What is this feeling telling me about myself in this moment?

6. To please others, I may say yes with little objection to things I absolutely have no interest in doing. At times, I say no with incredible fear to opportunities where I might actually be incredibly effective.

How might I live life more courageously and authentically?

Discoveries

(and affirmations I’ve created throughout my discovery process).

I lacked the motivation and energy to move through life in a way that could sustain me.

I cared for myself through emotional eating (I ate when I felt sad, alone, sick, overwhelmed, disappointed, frustrated, hopeless, anxious or unheard).

Embodying the role of caregiver at 18 (and to an extent much earlier) led me to believe I needed to give to everyone else and not be “selfish” when their needs conflicted with my own.

I did not speak my truth (or would stop speaking my truth) and instead attempt to suppress my true emotions if I thought they were inconvenient or unpleasant for others. 

It is painful to say aloud what I feel to unsympathetic ears or ears that lack empathy.

Disappointing others in certain relationships has sometimes made me question my self-worth.

I believed being a “good” wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, sister, friend, professional, etc. had to look a certain way...to others.

I was mourning not receiving what I felt I was giving.

My needs are just as important as anyone else’s.

I am a caregiver at heart and I possess the ability to tenderly care for myself.

I have the ability to access resources to help provide my needs.

Every relationship requires attention and a degree of balance. Including my relationship with myself.

Emotions can be scary…and beautiful.

My body feels an existential sense of relief when I am compassionately honest about my needs.

I have dealt with pain, loss & mistreatment and found the strength to eventually rise and move.

All things are temporary and will expire or transform in time.

I deserve to enjoy the gift of life while I have life.

I am a vessel of love, hope and empathy. This vessel requires care and maintenance.

Transformations

Now, in this part of my life, I am committed to doing (almost) whatever the f*k I want. 

😄😂😊

Truly, I am committed to living life more freely. Trusting that the consequences of my liberation will be healing & self-sustaining. 

I believe what I am able to give in any moment without draining myself will be enough, and that there are other sources of support beyond myself to share in the giving.

There are so many other ways I’ve been transformed internally and externally: 

·       Recognizing I have more agency, strength and courage than I thought.

·       Discovering my needs and body constitution.

·       Greeting the shadowy parts of myself with curiosity and stepping into the light that is emanating from me even when it feels dim.

·       Exercising prior to the start of the day.

·       Incorporating mindful movement throughout the day.

·       Eating more mindfully.

·       Practicing yoga daily.

·       Ending each day with restorative movement and meditation.

I may share more later. (Yup, there’s MORE ☺️). Lots of peaks, valleys, regression and restarts. Still.

It’s been a continuous journey I did not endure completely alone.

In addition to receiving my family’s patience and reading countless books; from 2020-2023 I found (and created) additional sources of support and motivation including:

·       Romy Toussaint’s Energize and Thrive immersion program 

·       Patricia Isis’s Mindfulness Based Self-Compassion classes 

·       (MBSR) Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction classes 

·       Amy Wright Glenn’s Institute for the Study of Birth Breath and Death workshops and offerings

·       GPS’s Group Peer Support for Black Leaders meetings

·       Joie Toussaint-Parrish’s Joy in the Pandemic groups and Sister-Girl Bonnet Bible calls.

·       Nana Korantema Pierce-Williams’ mindfulness mentorship

·       Dena Mcmillion-Billups’ ART Activate Right Thinking Christian Life Coaching course 

·       Book Club: "Book Chats with Tyona" group members

·       Julia Marie’s 30-day yoga for weight loss program

·       Depay Charles’ DC Fit Saturday morning Strength Camp sessions

·       Insight Timer meditation app tools

·       Inspiration from “observing” others changing their lives in meaningful health-oriented ways.

·       …and all the (again books) music, poetry, drumming, chanting and prayer that fueled my movement.

Practicing self-love. Prioritizing myself before prioritizing others has been a hard transformation that is becoming easier over time. 

What this process often looks like for me is reflecting beginning with:

·       Prayer & meditation 

·       How am I feeling, now?

·       Do I have the energy for this?

·       In what ways might I need to prepare for this?

·       What is this costing me?

·       Am I willing to sacrifice for this cause, activity, or relationship?

·       How will I care for myself afterwards?

·       Prayer & meditation 

·       Movement 

Thank you for exploring these parts of my story. 

I’d love to partner with you on your journey to enhancing your health and wellbeing.

Let’s continue to…

·       Reflect 💭💭💭

·       Discover🔍🔍🔍

And

·       Transform 💥💥💥our lives

Together.

Happy ❤️Love Day!

With deep appreciation,

Tyona

Metanoia TYME

Tyona@metanoia-tyme.com

and

Parenting Partners Consulting TYME 

Tyezeilo@parentingpct.com 

(561) 403-3740